Marriage
20/4/2017, 23 Rejab 1438H
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) asking how the Prophet (ﷺ) worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet (ﷺ) as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers). [Hadith: Sahih Bukhari]
If you love someone for the sake of Allah, your love will never die, because Allah is eternal. Allah is eternal. We turn to Allah when we are in good and bad times. We ask happiness from Allah. Marriage is a mutual consent and need patience.
Surat Ar-Rūm (The Romans), Chapter 30, Verse 21:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Quran 30:21)
We can marry someone 'from among ourselves' only, means human being because we are human being. We cannot marry a robot or animals because they are not human being. 'He created for you wives' means that we can marry someone with opposite gender, so that we can breed. Homosexuality is forbidden in Islam, Christianity and Judaism.
In marriage, Allah give us 'affection and mercy', so that we can feel peaceful, harmony, safe and happy. Affection and mercy are unseen by naked eyes, but the feelings exist in our heart. We cannot see Allah physically, but we know and believe that Allah exist. Marry someone for the sake of Allah, that you may find:
1. Tranquility,
2. Affection,
3. Mercy
1. Tranquility,
2. Affection,
3. Mercy
Marriage really is good for you, with a major international study finding it reduces the risks of depression and anxiety, but these disorders are more likely to plague people once the relationship is over. - Reuters
Surat An-Nisā' (The Women), Chapter 4, Verse 19:
"And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good." (Quran 4:19)
Surat Al-Baqarah (The Cow), Chapter 2, Verse 187:
"They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them." (Quran 2:187)
"And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember." (Quran 2:221)
Surat An-Nūr (The Light), Chapter 24, Verse 3:
"The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers." (Quran 24:3)
Surat An-Nūr (The Light), Chapter 24, Verse 26:
"Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision." (Quran 24:26)
Rukun Nikah
1. The Groom (Pengantin lelaki)
2. The Bride (Pengantin perempuan)3. Guardian (Wali)
4. Witnesses of 2 Muslim men (Dua orang saksi lelaki)
5. Ijab and Qabul (akad nikah)
Who a man can marry?
Surat An-Nisā' (The Women), Chapter 4, Verse 22-24:
"And do not marry those [women] whom your fathers married, except what has already occurred. Indeed, it was an immorality and hateful [to Allah ] and was evil as a way.
Prohibited to you [for marriage] are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your [milk] mothers who nursed you, your sisters through nursing, your wives' mothers, and your step-daughters under your guardianship [born] of your wives unto whom you have gone in. But if you have not gone in unto them, there is no sin upon you. And [also prohibited are] the wives of your sons who are from your [own] loins, and that you take [in marriage] two sisters simultaneously, except for what has already occurred. Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.
And [also prohibited to you are all] married women except those your right hands possess. [This is] the decree of Allah upon you. And lawful to you are [all others] beyond these, [provided] that you seek them [in marriage] with [gifts from] your property, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse. So for whatever you enjoy [of marriage] from them, give them their due compensation as an obligation. And there is no blame upon you for what you mutually agree to beyond the obligation. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Wise." (Quran 4:22-24)
A muslim man can marry any muslim woman, except these woman:
- Those [women] whom your fathers married,
- Your mothers,
- Your daughters,
- Your sisters,
- Your father's sisters (aunt),
- Your mother's sisters (aunt),
- Your brother's daughters (niece),
- Your sister's daughters (niece),
- Your [milk] mothers who nursed you,
- Your sisters through nursing,
- Your wives' mothers (mother in law),
- Your step-daughters under your guardianship [born] of your wives unto whom you have gone in. (But if you have not gone in unto them, there is no sin upon you.)
- The wives of your sons who are from your [own] loins (daughter in law),
- Two sisters simultaneously (wife's siblings),
- All married women
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. [Sahih al-Bukhari 5090]
Marriage Proposal: A woman can present herself to a righteous man (for marriage)
I was with Anas while his daughter was present with him. Anas said, "A woman came to Allah's Apostle and presented herself to him, saying, 'O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), have you any need for me (i.e. would you like to marry me)?' "Thereupon Anas's daughter said, "What a shameless lady she was ! Shame! Shame!" Anas said, "She was better than you; she had a liking for the Prophet (ﷺ) so she presented herself for marriage to him." (Sahih Bukhari 5120)
Khaula bint Hakim was one of those ladies who presented themselves to the Prophet (ﷺ) for marriage. `Aisha said, "Doesn't a lady feel ashamed for presenting herself to a man?" But when the Verse: "(O Muhammad) You may postpone (the turn of) any of them (your wives) that you please,' (33.51) was revealed, " `Aisha said, 'O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I do not see, but, that your Lord hurries in pleasing you.' " (Sahih Bukhari 5113)
Surat Al-'Aĥzāb (The Combined Forces), Chapter 33, Verse 51:
"You, [O Muhammad], may put aside whom you will of them or take to yourself whom you will. And any that you desire of those [wives] from whom you had [temporarily] separated - there is no blame upon you [in returning her]. That is more suitable that they should be content and not grieve and that they should be satisfied with what you have given them - all of them. And Allah knows what is in your hearts. And ever is Allah Knowing and Forbearing." (Quran 33: 51)
"Abu Talhah married Umm Sulaim and the dowry between them was Islam. Umm Sulaim became Muslim before Abu Talhah, and he proposed to her but she said: 'I have become Muslim; if you become Muslim I will marry you.' So he became Muslim, and that was the dowry between them." (Sunan An-Nasa'i)
"Abu Talhah proposed marriage to Umm Sulaim and she said: 'By Allah, a man like you is not to be rejected, O Abu Talhah, but you are a disbeliever and I am a Muslim, and it is not permissible for me to marry you. If you become Muslim, that will be my dowry, and I will not ask you for anything else.' So he became Muslim and that was her dowry." (one of the narrators) Thabit said: "I have never heard of a woman whose dowry was more precious than Umm Sulaim (whose dowry was) Islam. And he consummated the marriage with her, and she bore him a child." (Sunan An-Nasa'i)
Interfaith Marriage
Surat Al-Mā'idah (The Table Spread), Chapter 5, Verse 5:
"This day [all] good foods have been made lawful, and the food of those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them. And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking [secret] lovers. And whoever denies the faith - his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers." (Quran 5:5)
Prophet Muhammad's marriage
Surat An-Nisā' (The Women), Chapter 4, Verse 19:
"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good." (Quran 4:19)
It is clearly mentioned in Quran, that a man should marry a woman by her own consent, not a child.
Surat Ar-Rūm (The Romans), Chapter 30, Verse 20:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created you (Adam) from dust, and then [Hawwa' (Eve) from Adam's rib, and then his offspring from the semen, and], - behold you are human beings scattered!" (Quran 30:20)
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 3331
In-book reference : Book 60, Hadith 6
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 4, Book 55, Hadith 548 (deprecated numbering scheme)
"O People, it is true that you have certain rights over your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under God’s trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers. It is your right and they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste..."
All religions permit polygamy with unlimited number of wives. However, Quran is the only scripture that limit a man to marry up to 4 wives, if he can treat the wives justly. If he cannot, it is better to remain marry with one wife. Quran is the only scripture that say, 'marry only one'
Polygamy in Old Testament
"If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.
If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money." [Exodus 21:10]
"After he left Hebron, David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons and daughters were born to him." [2 Samuel 5:13]
1 These are the sons of David who were born to him in Hebron: the firstborn, Amnon, by Ahinoam the Jezreelite; the second, Daniel, by Abigail the Carmelite,
2 the third, Absalom, whose mother was Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur; the fourth, Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith;
3 the fifth, Shephatiah, by Abital; the sixth, Ithream, by his wife Eglah;
4 six were born to him in Hebron, where he reigned for seven years and six months. And he reigned thirty-three years in Jerusalem.
5 These were born to him in Jerusalem: Shimea, Shobab, Nathan and Solomon, four by Bath-shua, the daughter of Ammiel;
6 then Ibhar, Elishama, Eliphelet,
7 Nogah, Nepheg, Japhia,
8 Elishama, Eliada, and Eliphelet, nine.
9 All these were David's sons, besides the sons of the concubines, and Tamar was their sister. [1 Chronicles 3:1-9]
"In Jerusalem David took more wives and became the father of more sons and daughters." [1 Chronicles 14:3]
"He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray." [1 Kings 11:3]
"Rehoboam loved Maakah daughter of Absalom more than any of his other wives and concubines. In all, he had eighteen wives and sixty concubines, twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters." [2 Chronicles 11:21]
"15 If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons but the firstborn is the son of the wife he does not love,
16 when he wills his property to his sons, he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not love.
17 He must acknowledge the son of his unloved wife as the firstborn by giving him a double share of all he has. That son is the first sign of his father’s strength. The right of the firstborn belongs to him." [Deuteronomy 21:15]
Though polygamy is permissible in Islam, but it is not fardhu (compulsory), but optional only. Majority muslim men marry only one, rarely polygamy.
Surat An-Nisā' (The Women), Chapter 4, Verse 3:
"And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]." (Quran 4:3)
Narrated Aisha":
(regarding) the Verse: 'And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans...' (4.3) It is about the orphan girl who is in the custody of a man who is her guardian, and he intends to marry her because of her wealth, but he treats her badly and does not manage her property fairly and honestly. Such a man should marry women of his liking other than her, two or three or four. 'Prohibited to you (for marriage) are: ...your foster-mothers (who suckled you).' (4.23) Marriage is prohibited between persons having a foster suckling relationship corresponding to a blood relationship which renders marriage unlawful. [Sahih al-Bukhari 5098]
Polygamy Help Gender Imbalance
Polygamy may help gender imbalance in countries where women population is more than men such as Russia and India.
Surat At-Takwīr (The Overthrowing), Chapter 81, Verse 8-9:
"And when the girl [who was] buried alive is asked.
For what sin she was killed" (Quran 81: 8-9)
"And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin." (Quran 17:31)
References:
- Sahih al-Bukhari: Book of Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah), https://sunnah.com/bukhari/67, viewed 8th July 2017.
- Female infanticide, http://www.bbc.co.uk/ethics/abortion/medical/infanticide_1.shtml, viewed 6th July 2017.
- Rukun-rukun dan Syarat Sah Nikah, https://shafiqolbu.wordpress.com/2013/12/21/rukun-rukun-dan-syarat-sah-nikah/, published 21st December 2013.
- Travelog Minda Tajdid, https://books.google.com.my/books?id=UbEQAgAAQBAJ&pg=PA98&lpg=PA98&dq=poligami+dalam+new+testament&source=bl&ots=RUEN624ZPv&sig=FlQnmNro2x6rqGkWxWgC6-hwm98&hl=en&sa=X&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=poligami%20dalam%20new%20testament&f=false, viewed 6th July 2017.
- Marriage wards off blues, just don't end it: study, Reuters, published December 15th, 2009.
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